McB_H:A3S1

[Augest Kayd]

Cuyir, ra nu'cuyir, ibac cuy haar tionas:
Ebin'ra'nayc bic'cuy be orishy'a ijaat jorir
Te kale bal tracy'uure dush'kara,
Ra jurir aru sho'be uma'kebise
Bal de aru'nariti kyr'vale. Ramaanar--nuhoyir,
Nu'ori'sole; bal'de nuhoy sibur mhi kyr
Te aaray'kar'ta bal'te ta'raysholan nynir'tomese
Meg loras cuy kar'ad at: Ibic parjyc'ky
Nasreycla cuyir copad. Ramaanar, nuhoyir;
Nuhoyir, ret nuhoy'copar--bet, ogir cuy nu'moruta'keb:
Par o'r ibac nuhoy'be'kyr'am, tion'nuhoy'copase olaro,
Sha ca'nara te'habi oyaci'kando ke mhi,
Enteyor dinu'mhi gevin-- ogir cuy te mird
Meg gotal'u mhi shereshoy shu'shuk.
Par tion'ad ru'gana runar jorir te nynise bal duraanise be ca'nara,
Te nu'tor be shukal'ad, te takisite be g'yail'kayst,
Te aaray be ru'kadal kar'taylir darasuum, te naritir'be lor,
Te kandi be alore, te duraanise be di'kutla laa'bat pareyc adat,
Meh kaysh kayst su'cuyla gotal'ur at solus shev'la'kyr
Ti pakod bev? Tion'ad jorso'ran oyaci'kando,
Borarir bal onidi chur haryc oyaci,
Al'ibac te ori'chaab mayen ven kyr'am,
Te nu'ru'mar'eyi taap, teh'vaii
Naasad kem'ur yaimpa, jari'tome mirda,
Bal tom'nynir mhi atiniir dush'kebe mhi gana
Ori'shya ashise mhi gana naasad kar'tayl be?
D'ibic ti'kar'tayl bal'ban gotal'u mhi'an hut'uun,
Bal d'ibic te dral sale be nar'nasreyc
Cuy salam de'te racin'la be got'mird,
Bal chur'hiibise be ori'kot bal kando
T'ibic ulyc'mird cuy shuk'la
Bal gevin'gana kot'nar.

[Vlet Hansen]

Ori'jate bal ori'meshla! I love how much work you've been putting out over the last few days, it's great to have new things to read here all the time! SHab, maybe it'll even get me off my shebs and back to writing things again >.>

There's a lot of really good choices here (salam de'te racin'la be got'mird was a fun one, though I think racin'la can just be racin), but a couple stand out to me:

Instead of aru'nariti, maybe something from ara'novor? I think it'll fit the context more cleanly.

Nasreycla can just be nasreyc, it's already an adjective form.

I'd pare nu'ru'mar'eyi taap down to maybe nakar'taap, or nakar'vheh.

For real, the way you translate things I think is showing off a lot of creativity and good handle on how to use the language. I love it!

[Augest Kayd]

Hey, thanks for enjoying this. If this spurns you to get back to writing, all the better. The more the merrier, right? I'm glad you think the way I handle translating is fun, it's nice to hear.

I made racin racin'la because I wanted emphasis. I made up aru'nariti specifically as oppose instead of obstruct because oppose is more direct and offensive while ara'novor literally also means defend. Oppose is more forward moving, if you get what I mean. Nasreycla is resolutely as a stand-in for devoutly. I was kind of hoping that would clear itself up through context. Nakar'taap or nakar'vheh does seem to fit a lot better than what I put. I seem to have a problem with similar ideas. Thanks for that.