On the dar'manda concept

[Tal’jair Rusk]

Okay, vode, here's something i would like to discuss.
We all know this term, dar'manda. But what does it really mean. The explanation in the cannon dictionary is rather brief and vague. The books by Kar'buir explain it a little, but the whole concept stays rather misunderstood sometimes. I would want you to share your ideas on it.
What is it, an insult or simply a term for failure as a mandalorian? Should one be offended or ashamed when he/she is called that? How rude it is? How straightforward it sounds and when the term is appropriate for use?

[Vazquar Tra'tabuur]

The term seems to convey a sense failure to me. Almost as if one has become unworthy of wearing beskar'gam. I believe the term would reserved for the most dispicable/disgraceful/cowardly/etc. criminals the mando culture has to offer.

[Tal’jair Rusk]

In my opinion there's nothing really criminal in it. Crime is something to be punished for. To stop being a mandalorian isnt something worth punishment, its just a disgrace and disrespect to oneself and to one's ancestors. Its something to be ashamed of.

[Tempest]

I came shabla close to being dar'manda, and, if it weren't for my jatne'vod, I would've crossed that line. Because of that, I can sum it up. It's when your aliit can't trust you and/or when you aren't supporting your aliit (financially, materially, emotionally, time-wise, etc.). Mando'ade mutually help each other. When I was withdrawn and contributed only a little, it became difficult for my vode to support me emotionally (I gotta stress that if a Mando'ad acts selfishly to his aliit, that alone puts, or nearly puts, him/her on/over the dar'manda ledge). Dar'manda is when you are mentally/emotionally separated from your aliit because of your own insufficiently mandakarla behavior. Being dar'manda is excruciatingly painful, emotionally, because Mando'ade are NOTHING without our aliit. I hope this helps.

[Vlet Hansen]

I'd agree, it carries the connotation of just not being what you're supposed to be. Like how there's n word for "hero" in the sense that if you can't measure up, you're just not really part of the club.

[Tempest]

So I've been thinking... This all seems a bit philosophical, so could we turn this practical? We all know the resol'nare. Education, armor, self-defense, our tribe, our language, our leader, all help us survive. I know helping people is usually opportunistic, but could we all put our buy'ce together and figure out ways to be better vode that way we don't get anywhere near dar'manda?

Here's some of my ideas:
1. Thank-you (vode/cyar'ika) or I-love-you (cyar'ika) notes/texts (gratitude and love are important with anyone)
2. Making time for them during time normally spent on work stuff (not everyone can do this, granted)
3. Doing something new with them (this keeps the relationship fresh and fun for everyone)

Also, I will note that my closest vod would laugh his head clean off if he heard me talking about trying something new, hence I have a lot of growing yet to do.

[Adi'karta]

Warning: I am going to get all hippie on you and maybe sound like a therapist for a minute...

Spoiler: show

*snip*

Any therapist or anyone mature enough and experienced in interpersonal (or romantic) relationships will tell you that the most important thing in any relationship is communication. The thing about communication is that one must feel secure in oneself and one's identity and also must trust the other part(y/ies) completely in order for communication to be truly meaningful and helpful. I feel like those are concepts which are inherent to the Mando'ade identity -- feeling secure and confident in oneself, trusting oneself and members of your aliit enough to communicate openly and honestly with them and not judge them nor fear judgement from them.

My above mention of communication is relevant to addressing all three of your ideas; in my opinion all three of your points rely on a solid basis of communication, mutual trust, and self-confidence. Allow me to explain:

1. It is so much easier to confidently show appreciation and love and gratitude when there is mutual trust and open communication.
2. It is easier to make time for others when one is busy if one feels like one can expect complete and utter support during those brief departures from one's normal schedule.
3. For this third point it is beginning to seem as though you are primarily describing maintenance of a romantic relationship, and I can say that after enough time has passed in such a relationship, it is very common for "new activities" and "going out" to become less frequent. A little bit of spontaneity can be good, but try not to force it, as it could instead become a point of stress for everyone involved (due to it possibly feeling like an obligation). There is nothing wrong with having some routine activities like a scheduled movie night or board game night or video game night or any mutually-enjoyable activity you'd prefer.

Also, I will note that my closest vod would laugh his head clean off if he heard me talking about trying something new, hence I have a lot of growing yet to do.

As long as it's a knowing laugh and not condescending, do not fear this.

And I agree wholeheartedly with your need to grow. Everyone needs to grow and nobody should ever stop growing and learning. Life is a constant balance between internal maintenance and external responsibility.

...and to bring all this back to your first point:

I know helping people is usually opportunistic, but could we all put our buy'ce together and figure out ways to be better vode that way we don't get anywhere near dar'manda?

I feel like there is no better way to be a good vod and a good Mando'ad than to be self-confident, resolute, reliable, and supportive. In the end it really all comes down to being comfortable with yourself and truly trusting yourself.

[Tempest]

I actually did not see your post, Adi'karta, until just now. Being particularly aweful at social stuff, a few weeks ago I defaulted to directly asking my vode about the topic in general, and they said pretty much the same thing as I thought and you said (at least to me, this doesn't down your knowledge; rather, it indicates that your logic is sound). Definitely good thoughts.

[Mirshko Ordo]

I'm seeing a lot of good ideas here and I definitely like what you guys have. I'm new to this forum and fairly new to Mando'a itself, though I have spent a decent amount of time researching Mandalorian culture and history. From what I understand, being Dar'Manda is a title given as punishment for something done that is unacceptable and unforgivable by Mandalorian standards, and essentially means that whoever receives such a title or punishment is effectively excommunicated or exiled from Mandalorian society. As far as I know, not much is mentioned about what could cause such a punishment, but this is Dar'Manda as I have understood it. Do with this what you will.

K'oyayci ner vode

[Tempest]

That perspective makes a lot of sense.

Kal Skirata wasn't really Mando, besides in name and being raised by Munin Skirata, before he raised the six Null ARC boys, but he was never declared "dar'manda". In this line of thought, that would probably be because there was no one act that removed him from the Mandalorian entity, only a degradation of his character.

Those are mostly "half-baked" thoughts, I'd welcome further opinions from you all.

[Vlet Hansen]

No, Kal was definitely Mandalorian since about 6 years old. He was never dar'manda cause he never did something particularly unmandalorian. I feel like things that cause someone to be dar'manda would be relating to the Resol'nare. I likewise don't think it has to be some ori'suumyc thing. You can be a vicious, violent person and be Mandalorian, but you can be a normal person who doesn't have a connection to the culture and you're dar'manda. Boba was dar'manda because after Jango died he had effectively zero connection to the culture beyond his armor, while Vau sought out being a Mandalorian and therefore wasn't dar'manda, as he kept to the principles of the culture. It doesn't make Vau a nice person, but it does make him Mando.

[Tempest]

Upon thinking more about it, I think you're right. Plus, I feel like I should balance out my somewhat idealistic view of what it means to be Mandalorian.

[Aarlaya]

To me, dar'manda has always been a spiritual concept. Dar'manda bars you from the afterlife. It means you've sacrificed your soul and laid down your culture, forgotten your roots and your honour. Talking the talk without walking the walk, if you will.
Since I'm guessing most people don't believe in an oversoul, or at least the Manda itself, I'd reduce that just to the loss of a soul in this life.