Poetry, and other Rhymes

[Cuyan Atinii]

I came across this, and decided to take a stab at making it rhyme.
It's from KT's book Order 66

“Education and armor,
Self-defense, our tribe,
Our language and our leader—
All help us survive”

Ba'jur bal beskar'gam,
Ara'nov, aliit,
Mando'a bal Mand'alor—
An vencuyan mhi.

Mine -

Beskar'gam bal Bajur
Aranor, gar Aliit
Cuun Joha bal Mand'alor
Gaa'tayli oyacyi munit

Tell me what you think.
Also, feel free to post any poetry, songs, rhymes, etc here.

[sejemaset]

Ba'jur bal beskar'gam,
Ara'nov, aliit,
Mando'a bal Mand'alor—
An vencuyan mhi.

From Wookieepedia

[KensokuT10]

Yust Nu'gaanade
The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost, 1915

T'ad yuste chaaj'urci or shi'yayc kurs,
Bal, trikari bac ni nu'lise kemir bintar
Bal cuyir solus kem'ur, ni ru'moti mun'ca'nara,
Bal ru'haa'tayli kyr'at be'solus bid chaaj'yc ibac ret'yc,
Akay bic ru'goy'yi or dir'vorpan'oy;

Ven ru'gaanade ni t'ashi, sosolyc mesh'la,
Bal ret'gana jate'shya jorbe,
Jorcu ru'cuyi ven'vorpyc bal ru'copaani pirim;
Al par ibac te'kemesh ogir
Ru'shuk val haa'banyc rud aras,

Bal bintar 'bac vaar'tuur sosolyc r'udesi
Or kursh'vorpan meg taab nu ru'shukala.
O, ni ru'tayli te'solyc par ash'tuur!
Su kar'tayli boru yust alori at yust,
Ni nu'gehati meh ni ven'yaimpa.

Ni ven'rejorhaa'i bic ti tri'kar'am
Sha taap ca'nare bal ca'nare ven:
T'ad yuste chaaj'urci or shi'yayc kurs, bal ni—
Ni ru'gaanade bic kisolyc kemu,
Bal ibac ru'gotalu an haa'am.

------------ORIGINAL TEXT-------------

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Notes:
chaaj'urcir - diverge, split apart (derived from tom'urcir, to converge)
kem'ur - walker, traveller (wanted something more mundane than tra'taabur)
mun'ca'nara - a long time (munit + ca'nara)
kyr'at - along, towards the other end of (kyr + at)
bid chaaj'yc ibac ret'yc - I felt like "as far as possible" just flowed better than "as far as I was able"
dir'vorpan'oy - bushes, undergrowth, thickets (literally "deep vegetation")
te'kemesh - "the walking" (any suggestions on constructing gerunds is welcome)
r'udesi - lay (variation on udesii, to rest/be calm)
ash'tuur - another day (ashi + tuur)
tri'kar'am - sigh (tri'kar + kar'am, literally "sad breath")
kisolyc - less, fewer
kemu - walked (suggestions on past participles welcome too)
haa'am - difference (literally "specific change")

[KensokuT10]

Urman'miit N'at Chaab
Litany Against Fear
Frank Herbert, Dune (1965)


Ni n'enteyo chaabar.
Chaab mirda'kyramud.
Chaab kyr'amika meg jori haran.
Ni ven'haa'tayli ner chaab.
Ni ven'duumi bic shaadlar jaon ni bal adol ni.
Bal tuu bic ru'slana nor'vaii ni ven'goy'yi or'haai haa'taylir yust bebic.
Vai chaab ru'slana ogir ven'cuyi naas.

Shi'sol ni ven'cuyoli.


-----------ORIGINAL TEXT--------------

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."


Notes:
urman'miit - litany ("belief-word", not quite a prayer since Manda is not exactly a religion)
or'haai - inner eye (or + haai as contraction of sur'haai)
shi'sol - just one, alone, only

[KensokuT10]

Ky'goy Be'ca
Edge of Night
Excerpt from "A Walking Song"
J.R.R. Tolkien

Nor'vaii yaim, troan'vaii uvet
Bal ori'sol yuste kemir
'Dol prudii, at ky'goy be'ca
Akay an trane ven'nau'i
Vhipir, prudii, tra'verd bal werd
An laandui
An laandui

-------------ORIGINAL TEXT-------------

Home is behind, the world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow, to the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow, cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall fade

Notes:
Took some liberties with the phrasing to match it to the meter of the song as sung by Pippin in the movie.
'dol - contraction of adol
ven'nau'i - wanted a better declension of nau'ur that rhymed more closely with kemir
laandui - couldn't find a word for fade that I liked so this is a verb form of laandur (weak)

[ca'tra]

Kandosii, KensokuT10! I love Ky'goy Be'ca. I wasn't familiar with Urman'miit N'at Chaab. Vor'entye par me'dinu'an!

(Annnd that feels wrong... if anyone would care to correct my attempt, please do. "Thanks for sharing" - vor'entye par... me'dinuir -> progressive aspect = drop ir and add 'an -> me'dinu'an? Ner mirsh solus ibi'tuur, ori'shya nu'amyc.)

[Vlet Hansen]

Eh, I suspect that's more involved than Mando'a grammar needs to be, I'd just say Vor'e par dinui (cause I'm lazy)

[ca'tra]

I like it. Thanks!

[KensokuT10]

Vor'entye, Ca'tra!
I agree with Vlet, Mando'a tends to be laconic in practical use as far as I've seen, so even "par me'dinui" would be more than sufficient.

On the poetry translation side, I'm going to try to do some more poems that either have IRL cultural significance or would fit well with a Mando mindset and way of life (hence my choices so far). The shorter works seem to be more manageable to my solus mirsh, and it seems others have taken over my Bible translation project thread which I'm happy with.
I'm open to suggestions for works to translate, so if anyone reading this has something in mind, send me a message!

Naak ti gar, vode.

[ca'tra]

Vor'e ner vod, ni ven'slana nuhoyir mirdala'shya ibi'tuur.

I've been working on translating a poem, but as a novice I'm finding it quite challenging. I'm trying to finalize it to the best of my ability and will post it soon. I'd appreciate any feedback or advice you fine people could provide!

[ca'tra]

Non-cited words come from mandoa.org

Don't Quit - Author Unknown
Ke'nu akaan'ba'slana – miit'ad nakaryc
(Ke'nu from KT, ke – imperative, used as order; negative - nu; akaan'ba'slanar – surrender, drop R from infinitive; writer, poet – miit'ad; nakaryc - unknown)

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
Tuu kebise trattok'o sa bana dul'ca'nara
(Tuu – when (conj. as in "I'll pay you when..."); kebise – things; fail/collapse - trattok'or, drop R; sa -as; banar – happen drop R; dul'ca'nara - sometimes / at times)

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
Tuu goyust gar be'chaaj'taabi ahn laam'cerar
(Tuu - when, conj.; goyust – a/the road; gar – you; be'chaaj'taabir - journey/travel, sometimes used in the meaning of death, drop R; [is]; ahn – all (MANDOR.pdf); laam = up cerar - mountain)

When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
Tuu waadas kisol bal entyese ori'sol
(Tuu – when; waadas – credits; kisol – few; bal – and; entye - debt, plural after vowel is -se; ori'sol - many)

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
Bal gar copaani kasir al taa enteyo betenor
(Bal – and; gar – you; copaanir – want, drop R; kasir – to smile; al – but; taa – instead (MANDOR.pdf); enteyor – must, drop R; betenor - to sigh)

When care is pressing you down a bit
Tuu baat shukula gar kil'yc
(Tuu – when; baat – care (from baatir, to care/worry); shukalar - to crush, conquer, drop R; gar – you; kil'yc - some, a little, a bit)

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Udesii meh gar enteyo al ke'nu akaan'ba'slana
(Udesiir - find respite, relax, take it easy, drop R – *should this be imperative and take K'?); meh – if; gar – you; enteyor – must / have to, drop R; al – but; ke'nu – do not (KT); akaan'ba'slanar – surrender, drop R)

Success is failure turned inside out;
Bralov cuyi trattok goy'yi kovdaab'la
(Bralov – success; cuyir – be, drop R (include for clarity though normally dropped); nibral – failure or loser / trattok – major disaster (MANDOR.pdf); turn – goy'yir, drop R; kovdaab'la - upside-down)

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt; (based on an expression, “silver lining” which may not exist in other cultures; may need rephrasing to carry meaning)
Naubriik be vercopaanar solbe'an tra'vhipire be nemirutre'layc
(Naubriik – a ray, be – of; vercopaanar: vercopaanir – to hope/wish – change infinitive(ir) to ar to noun the verb; solbe'an - among; tra'vhipire – clouds (e for plural); be – of; nemirutre'layc: nemirutre'la= uncertain +yc for -ty?)

And you can never tell how close you are;
Bal gar lise [nu] draar haa'tayli tion'chaaj cuyi su troan'vai
(Bal – and; gar – you; liser – can/be able, drop R; nu draar – not never, can potentially drop “nu”; hay'taylir – see, drop R; tion'chaaj – what-distance; su – still; (cuyir – is, omit because implied) troan-vai – ahead)

It may be near when it seems far.
[Bic] duur cuyir gebi tuu bic aala [su] chaaj'yc
(Bic – it; duur – may; cuyir – be, keep R infinitive after another verb; gebi – close; tuu – when (conj.); bic – it; aalar – feel, drop R; - can drop entirely because implied?; su – yet; be'chaaj OR chaaj'yc)

So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
Al k'atinii sol'akaan tuu hokan'yc
(Al – so, thus; k'atinii – ke for imperative, atiniir (drop R) for endure; sol'akaan – the fight; tuu – when; hokan'yc– heavily defeated)

It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.
Bic tuu kebise trattok'o [ibac] gar ne'ente akaan'ba'slana
(Bic- it; tuu – when; kebise – things; trattok’or- fail/collapse, drop R; [ibac – that, can likely be dropped]; gar – you; ne'ente- must not; akaan'ba'slanar - surrender, drop R )

[Soraya]

Took a stab at translating one of my favourite poems, "Morning Song" by Sara Teasdale, with a slight Mando spin (or at least, that's my excuse for not doing a word-for-word translation). I ran it by one of my Mando'a discords, but 2nd opinions/critiques are always welcome and appreciated! My use of tsikala and the second-to-last line in particular bug me (also the dropped articles but that's just Mando'a for you), but I wanted to stick with KT canon for the time being; I'm not comfortable enough with it to branch out to Fando'a yet.

Laar be'Vaar'tuur
Genet meshurok be’vaar’tuur
Ru’jehaveyi ni dul tsikala;
Vaar'tuur haaranovo kara
bal me’suum’ika oyacyi solus.
Cin me’suum’ika, bid solus,
Ni balyc solus,
A mhi mar’eyi kara,
Shi mhi kemi mav.

--Original--

Morning Song
A diamond of morning
Waked me an hour too soon;
Dawn had taken the stars
And left the faint white moon.
Oh white moon, you are lonely,
it is the same with me.
But we have the world to roam over,
only the lonely are free.

[ladyphlogiston]

I'm very new at this, but I've been translating bits of things as a way of exploring.



We Are Family (the chorus, which is the only part I know off the top of my head)

Mhi cuy'aliit
Ni gala an ner vode ti ni
Mhi cuy'aliit
K'moti anade, k'laarari!

We are family!
I got all my sisters with me!
We are family!
Get up everybody, sing!



It scans except for the last line. I haven't played with combining and compressing words very much yet, but I doubt there's a way to get k'laarari down to one syllable.



I'm Nobody, Who Are You? by Emily Dickinson

Ni nasade, tion'ad gar?
Tion gar nasade balyc?
Mhi t'ad!
Ne k'jorhaa'i! Val ven'rejortaa'i - gar kar'tayli!

Mirsh'kyraman cuyir gaigotala
Drotala sa trabas
Jorhaa'ir gai munit nadal'canar
Bah em'sushan brok'vheh

I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there's a pair of us!
Don't tell! they'd advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one's name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!



I wasn't sure about the difference between jorhaa'ir and rejorhaa'ir. I decided to use jorhaa'ir for the simple statement of fact and rejorhaa'ir for advertise/gossip, but that's probably wrong.

(Also, is there a conditional?)

I love that boring means brain-killing, which I suspect is exactly what Dickinson meant by dreary. Ash'ad seems to have the connotation of Other, which isn't what I wanted here, so I used gaigotala as more appropriate, given the place of naming in Mandalorian society. (Incidentally, it was sort of fascinating to be translating this piece, given how foreign the sentiment expressed is to Mandalorian culture.)

Trabas is an invented word I saw here for a reptilian creature. I found abii'kad later, which might have been more exact, but - I don't know. It fits the rhythm better anyway.

If there's a word for admiring, I haven't found it, which is probably my fault. Em'sushan is from emuur + sushan.

And then brok'vheh, literally mashed ground. I was so proud of myself for coming up with it and then I discovered ety'pir, which would certainly be more standard, but I liked mine better. Call it poetic license.

[Vlet Hansen]

the conditional is "meh" for "if"

I'm not sure on rejorhaa'ir, I feel like it has the implication of "instruct" or "inform" in some way, given how it's used on the memorial in the books, but it's a grey area for me

I like the use of gaigotalur, I originally thought it looked out of place, but on examining the context of the poem it made good sense to me

all in all, I liked both!

[ladyphlogiston]

Sang Christmas carols with my family, and had to keep up with my dad trying to sing in Klingon

K'olar, an ijaat'yc
Shereshoy bal par'jila
K'olar gar, k'olar gar,
At Shun'yaim
K'olar bal kaatali
So'haali kar'alor
K'olar, mhi em'sur'ar kaysh
K'olar, mhi em'sur'ar kaysh
K'olar, mhi em'sur'ar kaysh
Sol'jaten alor!

O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant
O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem
O come and behold Him, born the King of Angels
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
Christ the Lord

Bethlehem means "house of bread" in Hebrew, so I went with Shun'yaim, bread-house

Kar'alor is meant to be lord of stars, because in this context I liked stars rather than messengers for angels in this context. Angels are frequently compared to stars in the Bible, so it fits. (Actually, I recently read The Unseen World by Dr Michael Heiser who takes a careful look at how the Bible and Second Temple Judaism actually describe the supernatural world, which was just fascinating...but I digress.)

Adore is enjoy (emuurir) plus focus (sur'ar)

And Sol'jaten is Blessed One, which I saw on the Bible translation thread somewhere

[Vlet Hansen]

What's kaatali and so'haali from?

[Ray the Red]

Su'cuy vode!

I'm very shiny to this forum as well as Mando'a but I thought I'd get right into it - shereshoy and all that! Wrote a short poem yesterday and immediately decided to translate it and see how far I got. All in all I think I'm on the right track, but some things probably need to be tweaked and adjusted so as to be accurate. Also, bonus points for any of you who figure out precisely what this little piece references! Anyway, without further ado:

Shattered Sabre ----- Shuk’la Kad’au

A facet full of fears ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il chaabe
Shining blue as blood ---- Dralir kebiin as tal as
A facet full of tears ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il haaipire
Screaming to be loved ---- Jairi Cuyir kar'taylir

A facet full of pain ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il aaray
Piercing through the dark ---- Kadiilir adol dha werda
A facet full of strain ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il kadala
Echoing a lost spark --- Echoylir kyrayc kih’nau

A facet full of hate ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il or’parguur
Weeping with regret ---- Pir’ekulor ti or'trikar
A facet fully unmade ---- Eyn shuur yaih’yc dargotal
Begging for its death ---- Gedetir par kyr’am

Translation notes:
eyn = the article "a/an". Used to give the piece an archaic air.
shuur = lit. piece, which fits well enough as a translation for facet. Initialy used "troan" or "face".
haaipire = lit. eye waters for which I also considered "surpire".
kadala = lit. wounded/hurt. I also considered "mishuk" or "pressure" since I couldn't find a direct translation for strain.
dargotal = lit. no longer created = dar + gotal
Kih'nau = lit. small light. I also considered Tracynika for this. The bible project has "kih'shya nau" but to my mind that is lit. "light smaller than" but correct me on this if this interpretation is wrong.
Kyrayc = dead. I also considered Echoyla for this, but the phrasing "Echoylir echoyla" didn't really sit well with me.

[CoyoteSly]

Kandosii, Ray! This is an awesome first go. Gonna go line by line.

>Shattered Sabre ----- Shuk’la Kad’au
I already thought the title was cool, but the translation makes me sit up because you're invoking a lightsaber specifically. After reading the poem, I suspect this is about the Darksaber?

> A facet full of fears ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il chaabe
Using "eyn" here to deliver an archaic or formal feel is really interesting, i like it! And I see you're using the Russian dialect with shuur, v nice. "Full" actually has the beten (apostrophe) after the i: yaihi'l. One grammar note, right now this says "A face full fears", if you want it to be "A face full OF fears" you want the prefix "be" in there. "Eyn shuur yaihi'l be chaabe".

>Shining blue as blood ---- Dralir kebiin as tal as
Blue blood? I'm curious! KT's dictionary (the same one mandoa.org uses) actually has a typo with "as... as", it's supposed to be "sa... sa". So to get this sentence to grammatically match the English it would be "Dralir kebiin sa tal" or "Shining blue as/like blood". In this case you don't need a second "sa".

>A facet full of tears ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il haaipire
Same as before, you'll want the prefix "be" in there. Interesting construction for tears, it's actually really close to the Russian dialect's version, "haai'pirune"!

> Screaming to be loved ---- Jairi Cuyir kar'taylir
This is a tough sentence to translate because passive voice doesn't really exist in Mando'a. "Jair" is "to scream/the act of screaming", so you'll want to drop that last i. The rest reads as "being loving" rather than "to be loved", you'd have to make kar'taylir into an adjective to make it work the way you want, though there's no set way of doing that. Possibly "Jair kar'taylyc" will work for you.

> A facet full of pain ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il aaray / A facet full of strain ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il kadala
Same as before, "be" prefeix. Well, "b'" for "b'aaray".

>Piercing through the dark ---- Kadiilir adol dha werda
Now this line I found really interesting, because Dha Werda has very specific connotations even though its literal translation is "darkness" it's a communal song/chant/dance, it's the descriptor for the OG Taung warriors, and Mandalorians often metaphorically/poetically refer to themselves as Dha Werda Verda. So this shard "piercing through dha werda" line could mean piercing through Mandalorians (scattering or weakening them), it could reference the original battle the Dha Werda legend came from, or it could be some combination + literal darkness. A LOT of fun with this line!

>Echoing a lost spark --- Echoylir kyrayc kih’nau
This actually means "grieving a dead spark" rather than echoing. The word for echo (noun) is eyayah, so you'd have to work from that base to make a verb "to echo".

> A facet full of hate ---- Eyn shuur yaih’il or’parguur
Same as before, "b'" prefeix.

>Weeping with regret ---- Pir’ekulor ti or'trikar
No corrections here, I just really like that verb.

> A facet fully unmade ---- Eyn shuur yaih’yc dargotal
Another interesting construction with dar'gotal. I think it works.

> Begging for its death ---- Gedetir par kyr’am
And a nice, dreadful ending!

I don't think I've seen a poem using only infinitive verbs before, I usually see present tense more. I think it has a cool effect in this poem by not conjugating the verbs. Jate bora, vod! Good work, mate.