Post Writings, Receive Evaluations

[Adi'karta]

I'm going to start this off with a brief piece I wrote, just because.

The purpose of this particular thread is to provide a single place for posting writings and receiving feedback and suggestions on writing style, grammar, etc.

So...have at it:

Because I'm brimming with enthusiasm about Mando'a again, here's a new introduction -- in Mando'a.

Keep in mind, I spent hours translating this, so this is not representative of my fluency -- I'm just good at looking things up and thinking of synonyms.

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Mando'a
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Gar jat'urci!

Ni gai "MandoaOrg." Ni ehn simire o'ruyot ru'gotal'u ibic gayi'karyai; shi'jii hibi'sur Mando'a.

Ni vaal'tuur gotal'u gayi'kartay; vaal'ca nu'amyc ebin hibi'rani vaal'mareka gayi'kartay, ra sur'tra, ra sur'ar gayi'shaadlyc sur'gaane. Ni vaal'ray'kyr mar'eyir kai'tome, dul'ca'nara nari nuhu'borare. Ni sur'jaon'yc nuhu'borare tsad'gana: haa'tayli miite, miit'gaana, hibar'joha shuk'miite, to'shoku sapan'gotae, hiba'solegote, ori'mirdi, baju'ni'ast.

Ni emuuri piru cin papuur'gale, cin'gale, cin'tihaare, ne'tra behot, shig, shuk'la tra'papuryc'un. Ni balyc emuuri epa vorpan'oye, papurgaate, shoone, shi'muni'shunere, jatisyc ori'agolyc shu'shuke.

Vor'e! Ret'!

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English
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Nice to meet you!

My name is "MandoaOrg." After 3 years of running this site I'm finally actually trying to learn Mando'a.

By day, I'm a web developer; by night I either voraciously absorb information from the internet, stare off into space, or watch television. On weekends I go to the store and occasionally work on hobbies. My primary hobbies include reading, writing, linguistics, electronics, computer science, philosophy, and generally preparing myself for the future.

I like to drink white wines, white beers, white liquors, coffee, tea, and orange juice. I like to eat vegetables, fruits, breads, and pastas, as well as delicious meaty disasters.

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New compound words/phrases
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gayi'karyai (everywhere-living-room = web forum)
ehn simire o'ruyot ru' (3 years ago)
shi'jii (just-now = finally)
hibi'sur (learn-focus = studying hard)
gayi'kartay (everywhere-knowledge = website/internet)
hibi'rani (learn-absorb = intense learning/absorption of information)
mareka gayi'kartay (navigating everywhere-knowledge = internet research)
sur'tra (see-space = staring into space)
sur'ar gayi'shaadlyc sur'gaane (focus everywhere-moving-pictures = watch television)
ray'kyr (five-end {shortened form of "ray'ture kyr"} = weekend)
dul'ca'nara (half-time = sometimes)
nuhu'borare (fun-work = hobbies)
sur'jaon'yc (focus-important = primary/main)
tsad'gana (group-have = include)
haa'tayli miite (seeing words = reading)
hibar'joha shuk'miite (learn-language broken-words = linguistics {the study of word roots and how they relate/evolve})
to'shoku (join-break = tinker)
sapan'gotae (electromagnetic-machine = electronics / electronic devices)
hiba'solegote (learn-computers = computer science)
ori'mirdi (big-thinking = philosophy)
baju'ni'ast (educate-myself = preparing myself for the future through self-guided education)
cin'tihaare (white-liquor = white liquir distilled from fruit, such as Ciroc {a French vodka made from grapes})
ne'tra behot (black "behot" = coffee?)
tra'sal (flame-coloured = orange?)
shuk'papuryc'un (crushed-fruity-water = fruit juice)
shuk'la tra'papuryc'un (crushed flame-coloured-fruity-water = orange juice)
shi'muni'shunere (thin-long-flour = pasta?)
ori'agolyc shu'shuke (super-meaty disasters = anything made from meat and disgustingly/deliciously fatty or complex)

[Vlet Hansen]

Ni nuhun'ika sha "nuhu'borare."
All told, this is a pretty good thing, and your neologisms all make sense to me. Still, I imagine we'll need to make our own on a few of these, such as juice, because there's no way they wouldn't have a real word for that...

Here's a short little couplet I wrote for my Top back at my last station, it was part of a rather elaborate parting gift we had set up. (Also, circular Gallifreyan is damned hard to write long things in...)

Te chaaj ven’tuur, bic chaab nu’jur par verde sa laam’ruus
Mirshko, kaysh kot, ijaat balyc. Kaysh mirdala suum an
Nuhune sarad te uram nu’baati meg’bana
Jate’shya ruus’alor nu’cuy ash mhor cyaryc laam!

This is the first thing I wrote ground-up in Mando'a, since I wanted the meter to work. Accordingly, I swore that this one would never be spoken in English by me unless I heard it from someone else, so the only translation note I'll provide is Laam'ruus is my way of saying Top (senior enlisted in a company) here.

[Adi'karta]

That's an interesting piece. The meter is well-kempt. I'm not 100% clear on all of the meaning, but I'm not a military man IRL so I'm probably just missing some ruus'pakod kar'tayl (foundational knowledge/experience -- or context?) to help me make connections/meaning.

It sounds good to the ears, though, when spoken aloud.

Questions/Comments:

Line 1, second-to-last word "sa" -- what is that? Is that {"as...as" [sah] (as, like)}? If so, I always thought something was off with that word, like perhaps it was just a typo on Karen's part...

Last line, "cyaryc" comes out to me as two syllables, but it seems to be used for three. It probably depends on how you pronounce it -- [shee-ARE-eesh] vs [SHAH-reesh]. (I tend to pronounce "cya" as [shee-AH] which comes out between 1 and 1.5 syllables; a sorta "glide" like [SHAH] with a hidden "ee" in it).

Vor'e par me'dinui gar laar, vod.

[Vlet Hansen]

Yeah, cyaryc is kind of a grey area, but pronunciation is flexible in Mando songs to keep meter.
On sa, I think the meaning is "such as" or "like (as in akin to)" such as "strong as a bull"

[Raeth]

Adi'karta, I was reading through your list of words with great interest. It caused me to wonder:

Do we have a thread (possibly sticky and locked) of 'new' words that, while perhaps not recognized (yet!) by anyone else, we have at least agreed upon here at mandoa.org to flesh out the Mando'a language?

It would be nice as people come up with new compounds from existing words or brave the creation of new words altogether if we had a quick and handy reference for those words if we so chose to use them or needed to look them up when reading them in someone else's posts. Yeah, I know this is somewhat heretical, but I am not the conservative faction of the Mando'a aficionados. I'm one of the radicals, heh heh.

[Adi'karta]

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=22 is one such place, but I kinda stopped keeping it updated because it's tiring.

Maybe I'll make a submission form for suggested words, which we can then discuss and approve. I'll have to figure out how to do that.

[aren vaal]

Practicing digital necromancy again here, but what the hell, maybe it'll increase traffic on the site, eh? Here goes:

Ner gai Aren Vaal, bal Ni cuyi mando'ad. Cuyi ehn'eta sh'ehn simire ruug'la. Ni gana dolus ad'ika, dalyc; kaysh cuyi rayshe'a simire ruug'la. Ni cuyi verd be aliit Val'Kazh. Ner me'sen'gai cuyi Cin Vhetin. Ni gana vod; kaysh gai Griff Kazh. Mhi miit'gana an gehat'ik par nuhur.

Ni ru'akaan'ad, o'r haar US Navy.

[Vlet Hansen]

Clear and correct.

Also I'm happy with myself, I didn't even need to think too hard to read that this time. Maybe eventually I'll get properly fluent.

[Tal’jair Rusk]

Wrote this a little while ago, my kid loved it, so i decided to give it to the public.
I use it as a lullaby (yes, seriously). Its not exactly original work, just a translation of more commonly known song.

Mandalorian lullaby:

Chaaj jaon vhipir cerar ciryc
At chur'cerar ruug bal churyc
Mhi enteyo ba'slan e'toh
Ven mar'eyir kote ruyot

Akaan'jorad jai adol ca
Ade haat'tayl goy'yi at tra
Bes'uliike pehi tracyn
Hetti laam'yam anay lo rang

Gotal'yaim haalu tracyn
Woor orjore adol vhetin
Tracin cuy tal, woor gayiylir
Kurshi hetti sa tra'vhetin

Translation:
Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons old and deep
We must depart together
To find our glorious past

Alarm screamed through the night
Men's look turned to the sky
Basilisks spat fire
Burned the towers all to ash

The forges breathed fire
The wind roared through the land
The fire was red, flame spread
The trees burned like polar lights

[Vlet Hansen]

I saw that in your spreadsheet, quite liked it. I'll have to read over it again to see if I see any little details I'd change, but on the whole it was very nice.

I might have to start practicing it, as well. I've been working off and on with my besbev, and I'm halfway decent with it by now, so I want to start writing the songs we're so dearly lacking.